Abandonment Issues
by peper1705
Summary: "Why does he not know he's mine? How does he not know how much I need him?"


Abandonment Issue

Rating: T (Slight adult situations, slight language, violence -self harm)(T to be safe) (will change to M if I have an idea that isn't T or if requested.)

Genre: Romance, Humor, Hurt/ Conflict, Drama, General, Horror(maybe?)

Pairing Order(that you will see): Gakupo x Kiyoteru. Gakupo x Kaito

Summary: "Why does he not know he's mine? How does he not know how much I need him?"

I don't know how this plot came to mind, it just sort of… did. For the moment, I don't have many plans for this story like if it will be a long chapter fic, just a few chapters, or what. What I know I can say is that I wouldn't be surprised if this story is under… seven chapters. It will be in the first person point of view, because I want to see if I can write in that style, but if I can't, I will switch back to third person. Personally, for the ideas I do have for this story I can see it being more first person-ish. Last few things, Kaito is going to be rather yandere, stalker like through out the story, but not all that much -just like a few moments hear and there- and that this is in fact a college AU. So here we go!

I'm sort of taking a break for "The Tale Of The Duke" I've noticed that I actually write more during the school year instead of the summer -oddly enough- and I'm having trouble trying to figure out what I'm going to do for the start of one chapter, but somehow can write a few future chapters perfectly fine. .

Maybe an update will come soon?

I only own the story.

Enjoy~

~!~

Act 1

He's doing it again.

He's doing it again and I don't think he even realizes it. It hurts me, with each compliment he gives him, the more it reminds me that they aren't towards me. Usually I'm not like this with such praises, but it all changes when it involves him. It wouldn't be that bad to where I make my love for his kinds words be obvious, if I get a compliment I would happily accept it and of course get a little flushed after getting too much, but hearing his voice speak so highly of someone else… I simply loath it. I wish I could tell him, but I doubt he would listen. At the moment, I don't think he even knows I'm sitting with him right here on the grass in the middle of the our study duo. Sure, we weren't paying attention to studying to beginning with, but I was hoping that he would talk to me more at least.

He was at first, and we talked about just about everything beside what was in our calculus textbooks, and that made me happy as I did my best to be a friend while also sort of flirting like a high school cheerleader which was extremely embarrassing. It didn't seem like he noticed the way I giggled -and yes, giggled not laughed just to make sure he could pick up on the flirting- at his jokes even though some of them were so forced. He thought he was so witty at times and that was just too cute. I couldn't touch him more than normal being that I was already a 'skin ship' touchy-feely type of person, and the only way that I could make any sort of difference from what I use to do and what I was doing now would be if I strait up crawled up into his lap and kiss him right then and there. The kiss would of been needed too, there were times where I did just plop myself in the other's lap and snuggled into his neck. I could smell him strongly there. However, doing that would be too embarrassing and out of the blue.

But all of that, all of me, was pushed to the side because _he_ just so had to walk by.

An intake of breath from him.

It's starting.

"Look, there he is."

I don't want to.

"My God, he's so handsome."

That's an opinion.

"He so awkward,"

He's a nobody, you're a somebody. You don't mix with him.

",it's too adorable."

You don't know the definition.

"I don't know which I like more, seeing his glasses on or off. What do you think?"

How about neither.

"Ah, sorry, forgot you don't look at guys that way."

I didn't until I looked at you that way.

"Ugh, he's just so cute, I didn't know I could crush so hard on someone."

No.

"I love him so much."

Stop it.

"I want to ask him out."

Please…

"Ah…, but he would probably think it would be just some 'popular kid prank'."

Good. Well, to be honest, I would too. That's not the point here.

"I'm not that shallow though."

I don't believe that right now. I'm right here, don't you know?

"Hmm, you know what?"

Will it benefit me?

"I'm done sitting around,"

What? Wait, no, no, no-

",I can't make him mine unless I socialize with him,"

-no, no, no, please,-

",and then, he would get to know me, know that truly do love him and not just for a laugh-"

-stop it, no, NO, I don't want this-!

"Ahh!"

What a loser, dropping his books like that. You're so cliché it makes me easily predict what will happen next.

"Did you see that, Kaito-san? Now's my chance! It seems too perfect!"

Don't take it, please.

He stood up anyway, despite my mental plea.

"Hey, Kai-san, take my book back to our dorm for me. I'm gonna help out Kiyo-san and get to know him more. See ya!"

"Wait, Gaku-!" Of course, he didn't hear me, too engrossed in his actions to go help his crush. I didn't even get to catch his braided purple hair which was down to his knees even in such a style. Slowly did my hand drop as I watch my friend trot over to his crush, a certain young man named Kiyoteru Hiyama.

I don't know what's so special about him besides that he is one of the smartest person in our college, possibly right behind the smartest one which was a popular guy named Tonio. I think the only thing that placed him second was that he can be pretty gullible and obviously clumsy. A lot of times, he helps others cheat off his papers with fake promises and I've also done it too. He's a bland nerd with short, brown hair and large, square framed, black glasses. He's pretty short, a little smaller than me, and just doesn't know his place. And yet, somehow, my best friend and my own crush, Kamui Gakupo, is absolutely in love with him.

Personally, I don't know how he came to love such a man, as far as I know, it just sort of happened right after I started to realize I wanted to be more than just friends with him like some sort of twist of fate. Maybe I would of have a chance if I realized it sooner. When I first realized I wanted to be romantically held by my best male friend, I was shocked because I, the right amount of strait to where it doesn't seem I'm trying go hide the fact that in secretly gay, Kaito Shion, liked a guy. At first, I've dated just girls, and I was happy, but after my breakup with Miku Hatsune, something just changed in me.

Maybe I'm just bisexual like Gakupo is. Maybe, don't really know yet. I just know I'm closeted and love him too much.

Maybe this wasn't the time to think about my problem. Closing Gakupo's book, mine already in that position since I didn't plan on opening it, I picked them both up as I gazed at my friend on the pavement picking up a bunch of loose papers with Kiyoteru, who was blushing brightly and obviously stuttering over his words. My blue eyes narrowed as I continued to watch, none of them noticing my glare as they both stood up, Gakupo holding half of the books and papers that were dropped with the nerd holding his half.

My love had a gentle smile on his face as he helped the awkward other, talking to Kiyoteru to possibly asked where he was originally going. It seemed to take the brown haired loser a while to answer because of his sudden stutter, but finally he answered and both of them left. I turned with a huff, the ends of my scarf flicking in this motion as I more or less stomped in the direction of the dorm that homed Gakupo and I.

Many people saw me in the middle of my tantrum as I walked, my lips a flat line and my eyes narrowed at everything but really staring at nothing. The books were held tightly against my chest and they didn't leave that position until I had to reach into my pocket to pull out the key to the locked door. I shoved the key into the keyhole, or at least tried to since I missed the first six time out of anger. Finally, I calmed down just a little to properly insert the key and unlock the door. However, when it was open, my anger only came back as it was slammed opened, scaring two students passing by behind me. Of course they were ignored, I had more important things to do like half- heartedly throw both books on the lower bunk and climb up on the top bunk.

The top bunk bed wasn't mine though, it was Gakupo's, and his scent was laced with every thread in the white sheets. It was intoxicating, and every intake of breath left me giving a shaky exhale. I gripped the pillow hard to where my knuckles were turning white, my nose nuzzling into the fluff while my body curled up into a ball. One of my hands came up from under my scarf so I could press it to the sheets, trying to rub the fabrics together so I can transfer some of the scent to smell when I had to leave. I didn't want to though, but I wasn't sure how long Gakupo was going to take to be with that glasses wearing thief. Now that I think about it… I've never been caught ever since this habit has started about two months ago, and I don't want it to end now by being caught. Doing the one thing I didn't want to do, I get up leave Gakupo's bed to climb down the ladder. When I landed on the ground with a gentle thud, I walked over to the door which almost closed from my harsh treatment and close it all the way. I pick of my keys which I didn't realize I dropped on the ground and locked the door.

"There, now when I hear it unlock because of Gakupo, I can act like I was never on his bed." I say in a triumphal manner since my plan is so good. I didn't even realize I said it our loud until a few moments later, but I guess that doesn't really matter since I am the only one in the room. To help make it look more like I wasn't doing anything suspicious, I also neatly put both books on my desk before climbing up to the top bunk once more. It was warm when I got there, and even though I knew deep inside it was because of myself, some part of me wanted to believe that it was because of that beautiful purple haired man that I craved.

Once more curled up, one hand holding the pillow and another rubbing the part of the scarf my nose would be by into the mattress, I get back into the position I was on before I decided to play it a bit more safe. It was all so warm and so fluffy with comfort, even though everyone was given the same generic white sheets, the fact that it was his made it all the better. I couldn't move, I was too comfortable, unable to be bothered by the thought to kick my shoes off to be more comfortable.

"Why?" I asked the pillows with a muffled voice with the position of my head. "Why do you love Kiyoteru? What's so special about him?! Why don't you look at me that way?!" My questions bounced around in my head in an attempt to collied with an answer. "Have I been… friend zoned?" A pause. "That's so lame!" My mouth closed suddenly at the sound of the lock rattling.

My eyes widen and I quickly spring into action, falling off the bed with a roll and barely landing on my feet. I fall back on my lower bunk bed, my hands behind my head with my scarf covering my mouth and basically my upper thighs down supporting myself on the flower. I tried to pull out my phone to look more causal and preoccupied with nothing, but I didn't succeed as Gakupo already made inside.

He opened the door kinder than I did as he waltzed in all happily like, closing the door normally as he spotted me on the bed. His smile was bigger than before and it made my heart jump since it was so bright. He made his way over to me and mocked the flop I did on my bed. The only very noticeable difference between the ways we laid down was that while I had my back on the bed, he had his back laying on my chest.

He wash heavier than me and made me sort of loose my breath, but I couldn't help but love any sort of attention he have me, even if it left me hard to breath, and that wasn't figuratively this time.

"Gakupo! You're h-heavy!" I tried to complain, but I was to happy for it to be believable.

"But I'm comfortable!" He easily said back as he looked up at bottom of his bed above, his arms out like an airplane, but one bent because of the wall. "Plus, I gotta tell you what happened! It was so amazing! I'm mean, in reality, it was nothing special, but to me it was!" Now my smile was gone and I was starting to get annoyed.

"If you're going to tell me, then let's switch places or at least get off of me." I say rather flatly.

Sadly, Gakupo wasn't too high up on cloud nine to be oblivious to my sudden poor mood. "… Are you alright? What's with the sudden mood change?" He asked as he got off my chest, sitting up as he did so to look at me better. I couldn't admit what was truly wrong, so I had to look away from those dazzling purple eyes.

"Y-Yeah, I'm alright. I just…," oh crap, I need an excuse. Quick Kaito, think, think-

"Come now, you can tell me. Was it with Miku-chan or something?"

Apparently I was taking to long, but thankfully, now I had an excuse.

"Yeah, Miku. I try to let her know that it's okay for us to just be friends, but she's making it so complicated. Like, how do you expect me to tell you how I really feel like you told me to do in that note you wrote when you keep on avoiding me?"

His hand came to my shoulder and gently patted it twice before leaving to support his body. "Girls sure can be complicated. That's why I've been leaning more towards guys."

I have no idea how to respond to that. He watched me as I just stare at him with a blank expression. Soon, he chuckled as he laid down. Quickly, I take the chance to switch our positions, laying my head facing him and a hand on his chest like a lover, but of course, he only sees it as my usual behavior. This is one of those many times that I wished I wasn't so touchy-feely so he could notice a difference. "You know what lesbians say, 'I'm dating a girl because girls understand girls the best?' Well the same applies to guys too, just you never hear anyone say it."

Still, I had no idea what to say and just sort of made… a noise of some sort. Don't really know how to explain it, but apparently I seemed concerned according to Gakupo, who simply laughed in his deep, heart warming tone. "What, are you worried that I have the hots for you?"

He was looking at me, me with my wide eyes and flushed face and beating heart.

"Don't be ridiculous!"

He was smiling at me, me with my wide eyes and flushed face and broken heart.

"You're my friend. Remember, Gumi-chan? We dated for like, two weeks and realized that were better off just friends. One of my better friends to this date, sad to say the same didn't happen between you and Miku-chan." Gakupo looked back up at the bottom of his bed as my eyes were castes downwards.

"Oh! I forgot to tell you what happen between Kiyo-tan and I-"

"Tan?" Gakupo was the only one here who used suffixes after everyone's name, but that's probably because he's the most "Japanese" student here. Yuma tried to do so at first when he was Gakupo's best friend, but then he completely changed styles to his own which more punk like and stopped. They are still pretty good friends too, but don't get to talk as much. Still, I was confused what this suffix meant.

"Yeah, Kiyo-tan, because he blushes so adorably and just everything about him is just, ugh I sound like a high school girl! Well people confuse me as a girl so, half way there?" He laughed at his own joke and I forced my chuckle enough to be believable. "Anyway, let me continue…"

I didn't listen all that much as Gakupo told how that dork stumbled over his thank you and just about every other word. After hearing that, I basically didn't listen at all until he spoke the dreaded sentence.

"-and so in two days were going out for coffee. He thinks it's to help me with my literature, but really it's a date-"

I quickly look up at him and didn't even register what I was asking.

"Where."

"At the Zero-G Café." He answered easily with no suspicion.

"When."

There was hesitation. "…Around… three… why?" There was an odd look.

"Just being a _friend_," I emphasized it what too much on accident. ", and making sure you don't make double plans."

"Oh come on, that was only once!"

He didn't seem to notice. Good. Now I can do some planning of my own.

"Kai-san? Are you alright? That look is kinda scary…"

"I hope you have fun."


End file.
